Boomer Ronin

6 Reasons to Wear YOUR Tutu to Work (and anywhere else that matters):

Recently I saw an adorable little girl wearing her tutu during what was obviously her commute home from school. This post is an ode to that young girl for reminding me of the boldness required to wear a tutu to school. It is also an open call to always wear YOUR tutu when it matters. These are some reasons why:

Creativity
Creativity is more difficult to define than it is to identify. When you see something that exhibits originality you know it; it’s visceral. It takes years and even lifetimes to feel creative and to allow your creativity to flow freely. That is because creativity requires risk and courage. It requires being comfortable with failure and rejection. The dark side of being creative is painful. But more powerful is the reward of simply creating something originating from your heart and soul. When you give the world a piece of yourself, the vulnerability of this process replenishes you in return. Creativity is therefore always wearable and, like a tutu, there’s great benefit in never leaving home without it.

Freedom
To be open to creativity and innovation you must possess the freedom to accept the sparks that come to you and only you. Ideas may sound similar to something you saw on television or be a modern variation of a story you heard as a child. Ideas choose you and freedom allows you to welcome them regardless of how ridiculous, bizarre or silly they may seem. If you don’t believe me, I strongly recommend looking up Fatheadz. Fatheadz is a line of glasses designed specifically for people with bigger than average heads.

Attention-Grabbing
It’s okay to seek and receive attention. It’s why advertising exists and why celebrity spokespersons earn millions of dollars in exchange for product endorsements. Most people are uncomfortable with attention not because they don’t crave it, but rather because they feel unworthy of it. It’s time for you to get comfortable in your spotlight. Think of it this way: once you receive those great ideas you need an audience to share them with. An idea is not fully alive until you release it into the world. Your tutu helps you grab the audience but you still have to make the sale and complete the deal.

Fun
Ever walked into a party and noticed someone simply because she seem to be having the time of her life? That’s what the fun of a tutu does for your life. When you are having fun others automatically gravitate towards you. They want to know what you are doing and they genuinely want to join the fun.

Style
Don’t underestimate the power of choosing your tutu with intention. Your style is what most people in the world interact with when they interact with you. Your style tells your story without words. Think of it as a silent film about your life; then answer honestly, is it a blockbuster or is it going straight to collecting dust as a DVD?

Personality
Wearing your tutu gives others a glimpse of your personality. You are bold, a risk-taker, fun, you have a personal sense of style and you are creative and free. Perhaps none of these apply to you or maybe only a few. That’s fine as long as the tutu you are wearing reflects who you are and whom you want the world to see. Maybe it’s not a tutu, but a pair of high-water trousers or purple suspenders. Whatever your tutu is, make sure it’s yours and you are wearing it like you mean it…because when you step into the world, it does matter.

For more information about Fatheadz, visit www.fatheadz.com.

P.s. if you are still not sure on the power of a tutu, watch this fun video.

6 Reasons to Wear Your Tutu to Work from Yaromil Olivares on Vimeo.

Retrospective Introspection
7 things to always reflect on (in no particular order)
By Yaromil Fong-Olivares

2010 is approaching its conclusion. Allow yourself to discover your current status in love, career, and self-care.

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 how happy are you to start your workday?
We spend most of our lives working. This includes being a stay-at-home mom and other nontraditional forms of employment. Ask yourself if your day is filled with the work you want. Most importantly, remember that you can change it. Entrepreneurship happens everywhere. Creativity can set you free. But, creativity does not happen unless you are willing to be vulnerable and therefore honest when answering this question. Go ahead and add that obscure childhood dream to be an ant farm collector to your vision board or “to-do” list.

2. Are you spending enough alone time?
Alone time is something we often neglect to prioritize. We work a lot of hours, try to spend enough time with family and friends and before we realize it, we start to feel drained and sometimes a little resentful about having to spend every minute of our day engaging with others. Even if you don’t feel this way I encourage you to try and incorporate alone time into your schedule. It may be a time for you to take a walk, give yourself a home facial or simply stare into space. Alone time replenishes you. It allows us to be more present and aware when we spend time with our loved ones.

3. Do you feel deeply connected to at least one person in your life? Recently I met with Fumi, my Reiki and Aikido instructor and mentor. In New York City people tend to hibernate in the winter. After a very active and adventure-filled summer I was settling in and, yes, feeling a little bit of the winter blues nostalgia. I asked him if he ever felt disconnected from his spirit guides, as I was sure that’s why I was feeling blue. When he replied by asking me if I had connected with anyone lately it caught me by surprise. In an effort to swing back from summer I was working so much that I completely neglected to spend time with my loved ones in a real way. This means one-one-one time to talk about those things that we’d rather not talk about but that if left unexamined do fester and turn into little monsters that invade our dreams.

4. How often do you laugh?
I hope your response to this question is all the time. If you don’t, this is a huge deal. Laughter is contagious, liberating, and most importantly it feels good.

5. Have you connected with a caring elder lately? This includes one of your parents, guardian, or older mentor.
Yes we learn from everyone around us but try to focus on the specificity of a connection to a caring adult who is not a generational peer. There is wisdom and awareness that only comes with life experience and having access to that is an invaluable asset to our growth.

6. When was the last time you felt sexy and sensual?
Feeling sexy and attractive is challenge for most people. We live in a media-inundated world and there are many reasons why we tend not to feel this way (I’ll spare you the commentary on race, body image, gender, etc.). I suggest exploring what makes you feel sexy and attractive and then seeking out activities that will enhance those feelings. Recently, my sister and I signed up for a four-session class on wall and floor strip tease. Admittedly, at first it was just a joke that met a Groupon opportunity (half-off classes in NYC are a big deal!). After the first class we felt extremely empowered. Our personalities are very different and the fact that we both had the same reaction to the class really says a lot. The class is geared towards regular women like us. Perhaps stripping is not for you but if you are even a little bit interested I highly recommend it.

7. Are you making sure you are healthy by taking vitamins, exercising, walking? You get the point and let me add I am a big fan of the health wonders of cod liver oil. Although the taste is a little gross, it is great for your skin, nails and hair.

Are you waiting for the New Year to change any of these? Answer honestly and remember every day is the start of a new year. The sooner you start this process the sooner you’ll see results.

To learn more about Fumi, go to www.aikidouphere.com
To learn about stripping classes, go to www.stripxpertease.com

It’s All in the Details: A Game of Self-Discovery by Yaromil Fong-Olivares
Self-discovery may sound like an easy endeavor, but with the social pressure to consume and conform, it can be quite difficult. Nevertheless, no one says it should not be fun.
A little self-disclosure: I have always thought of myself as someone averse to paying attention to details. At the risk of sounding cliché, I prefer to look at the big picture. Recently, in an effort to improve my ability to stay in the present moment, I realized that in my personal life the details make the biggest impact in my happiness, growth and healing.
To play the game, document the details in your life. Notice the things in your life that cause a surge in your happiness. Document and analyze why the activity impacts you so profoundly. Below are examples from my own life. I completed the first three from my perspective. These activities are intended to get you started, but I encourage you to develop your own list also.
• Walking down the street I notice a mischievous child laughing as he attempts to let go of his mother’s hand (unsuccessfully). – Risk-taking and love of adventure.
• Walking in a store’s flower department I stop to admire and smell the roses and if available, the lavender. – Appreciation for beauty and pleasure.
• I search for a moving quote about a subject I am already thinking about; then I send it to my loved ones. – Community building and the need to connect.
Your turn:
• Treat yourself to a nice song. Listen deeply noticing tone, mood, and your response to the lyrics and rhythm of the song. Try closing your eyes to isolate the stimulus to your hearing.
• Smile at a stranger or when a stranger smiles at you, smile back.
• Buy yourself flowers.
• Get a manicure and let the manicurist choose a color she thinks would look good on you or if you are a regular customer ask her to choose a color she thinks you would like.
After completing the exercise – and yes this is probably the most important part of the game – ask yourself how, and if, you are upholding these values in your life now. Are you stimulating your adventurous spirit? Are you feeding your appreciation for beauty and pleasure? Once you figure this out, make a commitment to prioritize the activities that help you grow and live the life you desire.

By Yaromil Fong-Olivares

I define a “demon” as a personal struggle, often only known to the individual carrier and frequently originating at an early age. Some examples are fear, self-doubt, and possessiveness. A few months ago I began to practice speaking to my demons during meditation. As each demon began to show its nasty head, naturally I became increasingly uncomfortable. Nevertheless, the discomfort and fear of living with these demons is greater than the discomfort I feel while confronting them; hence, I continue push myself to challenge these demons as frequently as needed. With each conversation I gain deeper insight into myself and I feel confident that none of my demons could overpower me because I understand its triggers, roots, and value.

Once you acknowledge that you hold power over your demons and not the other way around, the instances of shame vis a vis these demons dramatically decrease. You will be able to openly speak about your struggles in a way that is compassionate and even productive. Additionally, the practice helps to recognize demons within others and it helps you to recognize the person’s core light beyond such demons. Below is the process I use which I recommend you explore utilizing your own timeline.

o Begin by sitting comfortably on a chair or meditation mat. Place a mirror in front of yourself or nearby.

o Begin meditation practice by thinking of a recent experience in which you allowed one or more of your demons to dictate your behavior.

o While still in meditation and with eyes closed, take an internal pause and acknowledge the difficulty of this activity. Do not move to the next phase unless you feel ready. Remind yourself that you are courageous and ready to face these demons. Acknowledge the feelings of shame, fear or embarrassment that you may be experiencing. Tell yourself you are courageous for getting this far and you are ready to experience a higher sense of self. Whenever you begin to withdraw recite the following: “My demons do not define me and I will continue moving forward despite feeling discomfort.”

o Call demons out to join you, and address each one by their name: ego, jealousy, envy, self-pity, possessiveness, fear, recklessness. Remember that these are your own personal demons but they do not define your essence.

o Call them around you and imagine them around you as if sitting at a round table. Don’t be afraid to look at them and use the mirror to confront each demon within. Question the demon’s motives and ask her what her root cause and triggers are. Speak out loud and write down the answers that come to mind.

o Tell your demons that you are there with your highest self. You are not there to judge or berate these aspects of yourself but rather to understand how you can nurture the demon into a positive quality. Most demons grow within us because we try to mask them or worse, ignore the fact that they exist. We feel shame because we believe these demons represent “negative” and inherent personal qualities. But a demon does not have to be paralyzing. You can master it by learning what triggers the feelings and then untangling the triggering situation. Frequently, our demons are closely tied to our egos, which we undoubtedly CAN and SHOULD control.

How To Be Your Own Dominatrix: A Roadmap for Practicing Self-discipline:
By: Yaromil Fong-Olivares

Discipline will get you almost anything in life. Self-discipline is not a trait we are born with; it simply takes discipline to develop self-discipline. As adults, we no longer have the same accountability forces we had as children.  We can no longer rely on our mothers to remind us to clean our rooms, our teachers to remind us to do our homework, or our coaches to push us to develop our athletic skills.   Unfortunately, the best we can hope for is a supervisor that challenges us to develop as professionals. But rising to the rank of supervisor does not equate with good managerial skills, which means that we must be able to balance personal accountability and self-management with the responsibility of working for and with others.

Most of us have never had the opportunity to choose how we spend our “work time”, our 9-5 time that is.  All of our lives we are socialized to believe that listening to others and following directions means being good.  We follow what our mothers, teachers, bosses instruct us to do.  This is not intended as a personal judgment.  Rather it is a challenge to look within your lives and determine how much of your time is truly yours.  Also, use this opportunity to analyze how much of your time should be yours to manage but currently isn’t and whether or not you are allowing others to manage time that you should be managing.  Take inventory of those hours during the day when you wish you were doing something else.  Once you have determined how much of your time is yours or you have the power to make yours, choose an activity that you have been wanting to participate in.  This can be exercise, yoga, meditation, writing, painting or anything that you enjoy; then follow these steps.

A roadmap for practicing self-discipline:

• Evaluate your time. Figure out how much time you have available that is truly yours.  This means you are away from your children, partner, boss, friends, or anyone else you spend time with.  Even the television.

• Before choosing the activity make sure to brainstorm and allow yourself to pick something that you truly want to do.  If you pick something because it’s easy to accomplish or because someone else thinks you should be doing it, you are not likely to follow through.

• Make your goal visual.   Use magazines, internet, your own writing, painting or picture and place it in a place where you can see it right before engaging in the chosen activity.  The visual reminds you of what you are working towards and helps you get back on track whenever you have the urge to avoid the activity.

• Get a buddy, but make sure to get just one.  Ask your buddy to call you the day after you are scheduled to complete the activity.  Be honest when you do not follow through on your activity.  Having the encouragement of a buddy helps push you to follow through and helps you explore why you choose not to.  Make sure you establish agreements and expectations with your buddy before getting started. Your buddy’s role is not to berate you when you do not follow through.  Your buddy’s role is to listen and repeat back what he or she is hearing with the sole purpose of helping you figure out  the reasons you did not follow through.  If you begin to feel that your buddy is antagonistic and judgmental it’s time to get a new one.  Another variation of this is to start a blog or twitter account specifically for the purpose of sharing your progress.  This option is for the bolder types of course.

• Give yourself an end goal.  Self-discipline is an ongoing practice.  It always involves a goal because otherwise you are more likely to slack off.  The more goals you accomplish the less you’ll require the accountability of a buddy and the easier that it will be to follow through on future goals.

• Evaluate your progress each week and each month, depending on the activity.  Look at your own patterns of avoidance and accomplishment.  If you go to sleep at a set time each night are you more likely to get up for an activity that takes place first thing in the morning? If you adjust your meeting schedule do you have more time for you? These are the types of questions you should ask yourself once you start to carve out time for yourself.  The goal of progress evaluation is to make showing up for your chosen activity easier each time.

• When you are done, be done.  If you feel dissatisfied with your end result then start over with a new goal.  Do not extend the deadline.  This defeats the purpose of establishing an end goal.

• Celebrate. Remember how good it felt to get a gold star when you were in the first grade?  Take your buddy out to dinner.  Take yourself out to a movie.  Give yourself lots of positive reinforcement.

• Start over.  Don’t limit yourself.  Apply this roadmap to anything you want to develop self-discipline around.  Disciplining yourself to follow through on your attainable goals and wishes will get you almost anything you want in life.

What would you rather be doing with your time?  Write me back and let me know!

By Yaromil Fong-Olivares

Obstacles
Obstacles remind us that we are unbreakable.

Unless we are physically ill or the obstacle is in the form of a person in our lives, most obstacles exist in our psyches. Consequently only we have the power to transform them into learning experiences. Obstacles are temporary because they don’t truly exist until we allow them to exist. With determination and creativity any obstacle can be transformed into a marvelous opportunity. Some common examples of obstacles turned into opportunities are: writing a memoir, engaging in public service, and sharing our experiences with others through public speaking.

Flexibility
When confronted by an obstacle, our spirit is like a rubber band; it is meant to stretch but not to break.
When we experience a block in our lives, the lowest phase of the experience is also the most crucial. During this phase we feel like the only viable option is giving up and hope is gone. The experience of deep suffering and pain is what I like to call the “moment of elasticity.” Our inner rubber band is stretched widely forcing us to regain control. These feelings are unpleasant but they add complexity and layers to our lives. We experience compassion for ourselves and inevitably learn to feel compassion for others. It is through compassion that we are able to find our way to our resiliency and discover a comfortable but challenging state of elasticity. The experience gives us VIP access into our immense capacity to stretch our hearts, minds, and souls and we begin to feel reconnected with ourselves.

Immediately after the “moment of elasticity” we access our vulnerabilities, strengths, and inner fire. We are able to rebuild ourselves and realize the need to make adjustments to our lives we were unaware of or unwilling to make prior to experiencing this particular block.

Toddlers
Consider approaching obstacles as if you were a toddler learning to walk. It takes many attempts. It involves falling down. It involves getting up. It often requires a tremendous amount of creativity since parents are usually watching us, attempting to protect us from the fall. It involves a lot of external pressures and almost always disappointing others. Despite all these variables we learn to walk and eventually run.

When you feel paralyzed by an obstacle ask yourself where you would be if, as a toddler, you had given up on learning to walk. Succumbing to feelings of disinterest, fear, inadequacy or even rationalizing other priorities are alluring distractions from tackling obstacles. The list of excuses is endless but all excuses in our lives can be challenged by the toddler within us. Run on and if you are not ready to run start by occasionally getting on your feet and allowing yourself to fall. Great feelings accompany standing up after falling.