Boomer Ronin

By Yaromil Fong-Olivares

I define a “demon” as a personal struggle, often only known to the individual carrier and frequently originating at an early age. Some examples are fear, self-doubt, and possessiveness. A few months ago I began to practice speaking to my demons during meditation. As each demon began to show its nasty head, naturally I became increasingly uncomfortable. Nevertheless, the discomfort and fear of living with these demons is greater than the discomfort I feel while confronting them; hence, I continue push myself to challenge these demons as frequently as needed. With each conversation I gain deeper insight into myself and I feel confident that none of my demons could overpower me because I understand its triggers, roots, and value.

Once you acknowledge that you hold power over your demons and not the other way around, the instances of shame vis a vis these demons dramatically decrease. You will be able to openly speak about your struggles in a way that is compassionate and even productive. Additionally, the practice helps to recognize demons within others and it helps you to recognize the person’s core light beyond such demons. Below is the process I use which I recommend you explore utilizing your own timeline.

o Begin by sitting comfortably on a chair or meditation mat. Place a mirror in front of yourself or nearby.

o Begin meditation practice by thinking of a recent experience in which you allowed one or more of your demons to dictate your behavior.

o While still in meditation and with eyes closed, take an internal pause and acknowledge the difficulty of this activity. Do not move to the next phase unless you feel ready. Remind yourself that you are courageous and ready to face these demons. Acknowledge the feelings of shame, fear or embarrassment that you may be experiencing. Tell yourself you are courageous for getting this far and you are ready to experience a higher sense of self. Whenever you begin to withdraw recite the following: “My demons do not define me and I will continue moving forward despite feeling discomfort.”

o Call demons out to join you, and address each one by their name: ego, jealousy, envy, self-pity, possessiveness, fear, recklessness. Remember that these are your own personal demons but they do not define your essence.

o Call them around you and imagine them around you as if sitting at a round table. Don’t be afraid to look at them and use the mirror to confront each demon within. Question the demon’s motives and ask her what her root cause and triggers are. Speak out loud and write down the answers that come to mind.

o Tell your demons that you are there with your highest self. You are not there to judge or berate these aspects of yourself but rather to understand how you can nurture the demon into a positive quality. Most demons grow within us because we try to mask them or worse, ignore the fact that they exist. We feel shame because we believe these demons represent “negative” and inherent personal qualities. But a demon does not have to be paralyzing. You can master it by learning what triggers the feelings and then untangling the triggering situation. Frequently, our demons are closely tied to our egos, which we undoubtedly CAN and SHOULD control.

by: Yaromil Fong-Olivares
I started my meditation practice in 2006.  It began as a natural extension of my involvement and interest in Buddhism.  Yet regardless of how often or where I practiced I rarely achieved the coveted “quiet mind.”  Back then I did not refer to myself a meditator because I believed that only those who could achieve a quiet mind qualified for this title. After making countless life-changing decisions and gaining unexpected insight into myself through my “loud mind” meditation, I decided that perhaps like many other human differences some people have loud minds while others have quiet minds.

I do not intend to argue with the likes of Thich Nhat Hanh , author of The Miracle of Mindfulness: A Manual on Mediation or Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now; both favorites of mine. These are both great texts, with lots of valuable information about meditation, living in the present moment and even insight recognition and awareness.  However, meditation can only be learned if you are open to discovering it within yourself and it can only be self-taught. If quieting your mind is natural for you, then by all means please continue.  But if you are like the many of us who have LOUD minds that refuse to shut up regardless of whether or not we are at home sitting on our fancy meditation mats or doing group meditation, or even commuting in the subway, then read on.

Meditation is a personal practice.  Only you know your innermost thoughts, fears, and longings.  To reap its benefits you must be aware and willing to listen to yourself.  It has been my experience that a loud mind is just as beneficial as a quiet mind.   You are probably thinking: isn’t the purpose of meditation to relax, gain deeper insight, and achieve a quiet mind?  Indeed.  But if you listen to your own thoughts as if you were having a conversation with someone you truly want to listen to, it does lead to deeper insight and relaxation and it may even lead to a quiet(er) mind.  Nowadays, my mind goes through spurts of quietness and loudness, as needed.  I also noticed that when I listen and take action, my mind changes the subject, which is always affirming.

Like a quiet mind, there are benefits to having a loud mind.  If something keeps coming up during meditation, perhaps it’s for good reason.  Focus your mediation on discovering those reasons.  It may also be a question of place or company.  Your body may be craving moving meditation like Aikido or Yoga.  Perhaps your body prefers to move rather than sit in an uncomfortable position for extended periods of time.  To state the obvious, meditation is a powerful practice.  It is about intention and if you do not create your own shield of protection, the meditative intention of others will invade and possibly attack your practice.

When it comes to your mind, listen closely and ask yourself if you are listening to yourself or if you are listening to others? Is your mind truly yours or is it repeating what others tell you.  This will help you discover your inner voice, sometimes referred to as intuition or higher self.

So if you are serious about integrating meditation into your life, here is what I suggest:

• Don’t meditate, or rather do not call it that.  Forcing yourself to meditate is a sure way to prevent yourself from doing it.  At the beginning, try a variety of meditative activities such as sitting quietly, listening to jazz, yoga or free writing.

• Start alone and at home.  Home is a safe place where you should have no pressure on time limit, activity or position.  You can stand on your head if you wish.

• Don’t tell anyone.  Avoid comments or even advice on meditation.  This is your personal practice, you do not need any tips, you just have to listen to yourself.  After you have been doing it for a while and you feel confident with your individual practice you can share with the world but by then you might not want to.

• Trust yourself and your thoughts.  The value of meditation is that it leads to self-discovery and helps you enhance your relationship with yourself.   If you do not develop a gentle, trusting and loving relationship with your higher self then you are not meditating.