Start Dating Yourself
25 Oct
Find Love by Dating Yourself by Yaromil Fong-Olivares
Anyone who has seen the film, Forrest Gump probably remembers the quote, “Life is like a box of chocolates.” Similarly, relationships are like a box of chocolates and indeed you never know what you are going to get. But, you do know what you are going to give. When we are single, we spend a lot of time looking around us, in search of the next date/lover/partner. We spend so much time looking outward that we often forget to look within ourselves. If we do not address our relationship patterns when we are single, this dangerous oversight can lead us to the re-creation of the patterns that destroyed our previous relationship. The goal is not necessarily to remove all patterns because we can never be truly “ready” for a relationship. The aim is to understand our emotional and psychological struggles within relationships and to manage them with love and compassion.
For most of us, finding companionship and love is a big part of self-realization. Rather than searching for a lover, I suggest an alternate route to finding love. The only variable in a relationship that you can predict is yourself. Through self-awareness you can predict how you interact with your lovers and truly learn to discern your relationship patterns. Developing a deep understanding of yourself helps you predict your interactions with others. You can think of this process as dating yourself. Dating yourself means prioritizing intentional time alone. During this time you get to know yourself, explore your needs, wants, desires and contributions to relationships. Write the answers down and refer to them often, and especially when you start dating someone. Think of this as developing your relationship blueprint, obviously a work in progress. You can be flexible but you must always be fully aware of your non-negotiables. If you ignore your relationship bottom line, you are very likely to engage in relationships that are doomed to fail. This does not mean you should be calculating or reject serendipitous liaisons; but rather you should study your relationship history and the factors that led to previous break-ups and enter every relationship with realistic expectations for yourself and your lover.
Do not ignore the power of manifestation and in your blueprint make sure to include all the qualities that you want in a lover. By streamlining your dating life you eliminate self-blame for failed relationships, develop confidence and feel more empowered in your dating life. Remember that sometimes it’s just not a good match.
