Boomer Ronin

“The personal, as everyone’s so fucking fond of saying, is political. So if some idiot politician, some power player, tries to execute policies that harm you or those you care about, TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Get angry. The Machinery of Justice will not serve you here – it is slow and cold, and it is theirs, hardware and soft-. Only the little people suffer at the hands of Justice; the creatures of power slide from under it with a wink and a grin. If you want justice, you will have to claw it from them. Make it PERSONAL. Do as much damage as you can. GET YOUR MESSAGE ACROSS. That way, you stand a better chance of being taken seriously next time. Of being considered dangerous. And make no mistake about this: being taken seriously, being considered dangerous makes the difference, the ONLY difference in their eyes, between players and little people. Players they will make deals with. Little people they liquidate. And time and again they cream your liquidation, your displacement, your torture and brutal execution with the ultimate insult that it’s just business, it’s politics, it’s the way of the world, it’s a tough life and that IT’S NOTHING PERSONAL. Well, fuck them. Make it personal.”
Things I Should Have Learnt by Now, Volume II

Are You a Heart Worker? The Value of Being a Quitter.

Yes, I quit. I didn’t resign, and I wasn’t moving on to a better position. Well, in retrospect, that last part did turn out to be true.

At the end of 2010, I felt tired, not because I was working 60 hours a week or because the work was challenging. I was engaged in a battle of someone else’s making – a 70-year battle for the minds and hearts of the children of Harlem. Like many other good ideas gone wrong, this one is masked under a mission statement of “helping children achieve their full potential”. I was doomed, as I was there to do my usual heart work – and not to be a hero or a savior.

Looking back, this being the end of the year and all, some lessons have become self-evident. For example, there is the issue of values and value alignment.

If you are a heart worker and your values don’t match the values of the organization then it is inevitable that a break up will ensue. Sound familiar? Like it kind of sounds like a bad romance (thanks, Lady Gaga!).

Yup. Your 9-to-5 is like a lover. Do you follow? Most importantly, are you still in love or are you there because of routine, have to pay the bills, don’t believe you deserve better, feel guilty about initiating the break up, afraid you are making the wrong call if you leave? What will they do without you? The reasons to stay are endless but there’s only one way out…out!

I admit, before leaving I felt a twilight zone-type fear of unproductivity. After quitting, I soon realized the reason I did not want to go into my office was not because I was “burned out” as some folks in the nonprofit world call it. It was the feeling of energy being sucked out of my body by complacent, bitter and miserable colleagues, discouraging board members and an organizational culture so resistant to change that it’s leadership wouldn’t even change the conference room wallpaper without going into 10 executive sessions.

The break-up was inevitable. It/us just couldn’t work.

But yet there we were, Hans Hageman, Executive Director at the time, and myself trying to rationalize staying because of the kids.

Then came the final realization – yes, worse than facing the twilight zone or energy suckers. The right choice is incredibly hard to make.

If you quit you are a quitter. But if you stay you are useless. You compromise your values, risk depression; creativity dies a slow, painful death.

So, I ask YOU: what’s it going to be?

Before answering, think about this:

“We have to be able to walk forward with faith into a world that is chaotic and abstract and allow the opportunities to present themselves. And we need to be so aligned, so true to what we believe, that we are in a position to seize these opportunities when they occur. Our example is our reputation.
– Sue Knight, NLP at Work

I am proud to be a quitter. I recognize and accept my own value/values and better yet, I know my heart work is priceless. Do you? Allow yourself to answer honestly, and in 2011 proceed accordingly.

Talk to the Hand

How to Request and Receive Constructive Feedback

Who? Me?
A couple of weeks ago I received some unsolicited and unexpected feedback from one of my younger sisters.  The feedback, “I really don’t see you as a mother”, made me feel uncomfortable for reasons I couldn’t immediately understand.

The Hard Thing
I wanted to understand the intangibility of my motherhood vibes and in the process discovered the value of receiving this kind of “image management” feedback. Asking people around you what they see when they see you is uncomfortable which means it can also be incredibly instructive. Unique combinations of personality and life experience allow others to see different parts of you; parts that perhaps you are unable to see. I am a fan of free, practical and doable now; hence, I suggest that you start to look for knowledge near you. Ask teenagers how they see you and you might realize you are cooler than you think, ask your mother and you might be surprised to hear how proud she is of what you perceive as shortcomings or failures. Asking trustworthy colleagues may help you finally accept yourself as a leader.

As with my motherhood deficiency, this process is not all fun and to gain the most from this exercise you must be willing to listen. When you ask a  teenager for feedback be ready to hear things like “you are boring”  or “you are uptight”. Asking your mother might result in subtle pressure to fulfill her dreams and not yours. Asking a colleague for feedback might unravel feelings of  insecurity and jealousy.

Moving Through To The Other Side
But there is a way to gain the most from the knowledge near you.  The key here is to listen with an open mind and an open heart.  Sit with it.  Let it simmer within you.  Then flip the script on your evaluator.  Think of what values, life experiences, personality traits and developmental baggage are influencing your evaluation.  Once you do this you might discover it is appropriate for a teenage punk rocker to think of you as a little uptight or for your mother to believe you would make a great lawyer if you worked harder.

On Second Thought
Before asking for feedback try to predict the response. The fun will be in realizing how far off  your prediction is from each response and then figuring out where the disconnect is. Personally, I realized that motherhood lives in my private world and thus rarely do I mention my thoughts on it to anyone in my family. In Latino culture a woman my age is either already a mother or is working on it. Keeping motherhood private is how I protect myself from potential family pressures.  My image as a childless spinster aunt/sister/daughter is ok with me…for now.

Check out the whole movie when you can. Pam Slim, Michael Port, Justin Lukasavige, Chris Brogan, Janet Atkinson, John Carlton, and Hans Hageman & Associates, are some great places to start if you need or want to investigate the employment side of life as a masterless Samurai -- the Ronin. There is no better time.

This will give you something of the idea behind this site, my intent, and the future of my work.  We are a work in progress in every way!  Click on the link below.

boomerroninmovie